Madness, ego and love

Starting with Adam and Eve, male-female relationships have always been considered together with the concept of crime. Classical literature, now the profession of journalism, associates the love of the human race with madness and murder. We often read headlines like “love killing”.

We learn from Marquez’s book, Love and Other Jeans, that in cultures on the other side of the globe, people are told that monsters are haunted.

When I think about what happened to a family I know in Belgium, whose culture is completely different, these thoughts run through my head. But hard to remember!

The killer’s love

Julos Beaucorn is a famous Belgian musician. In the 1970s, it was raging like a storm, especially in the Walloon area. We travel together, give concerts, participate in radio shows, and on weekends we work on new compositions in his farmhouse, which he used to run away from the city.

Julius wrote poems by Nazim Hikmet, translated into French. These works are accompanied by fine French cuisine and Bordeaux wine. His elegant and beautiful wife joins us. The table on the grass in the garden resembles a ‘Sunday in the Grass’ movie. The sound of the flute in the house, the serenity in the garden … Jules’s wife had an embroidered handkerchief in her sleeve, just like the old countess I saw in the movie. They are accompanied by a North African boy. It helps with home and garden work.

When the tour ends and I return to Stockholm, I think, “If there’s one beautiful, poetic place of peace in the world where violence can’t reach, it’s the farm.” How wrong I was.

Shortly afterwards, Belgium was shaken by the news of a horrific murder. A North African boy has stabbed his wife to death. That dreamy woman gave her life in her struggle. The reason is known: love! The young man has been cultivating secret one-sided love with that woman for a long time.

One day, the television broadcasters came home. They continued firing until evening. When it got dark, Julos took them to the station. When he returned, he found his wife bleeding. As it turned out later, the fascinated boy became jealous of the woman’s friendly sympathy with the television broadcasters and ruthlessly broke her one and only love when they were alone.

(The most imitative part of this tragic story is the one I used many years later in the novel My Brother’s Tale: Just that evening, Julos was lecturing on TV, saying it was a separate crime and wishing it wouldn’t turn into a horrific murder. Xenophobia in Belgium Isn’t that predictable?)

Love is very close to the inner darkness of man, again very close to the light. A lot of things are constantly happening in the world, in contrast to these things that I can’t forget a few years ago, but actually stem from very similar emotions. For centuries, in all cultures. I think it’s related to the concept of “ego”.

The power within us

Every human being is controlled by his ego. We think we are free, but we are actually captives of our arrogance. This real “I” in us is our master.

It strikes a balance between the demands of our biological existence and the system of control of our cultural existence. Sometimes it can’t. Whatever it is, he decides for us, puts us in different moods. This is the reason behind our unintentional anger. The ego controls our ambition. Even though we feel different from within, sometimes our mind says otherwise, ego says “no”, “It’s not like that, do that”. And we inevitably hear it.

You can do everything, but you can’t touch a person’s ego. As soon as you do this you realize that the person in front of you has gone mad, has come to the stage of all kinds of madness, even wants to kill you.

Pride drives people to irrational attitudes. Pride makes men and women enemies, destroys friendships and makes politics unbearable.

The arrogance of the two generals often rules the battlefield where millions of people are killed. They play an arrogant game with other people’s lives, even though they are far away from each other, even though they have never met. The victorious commander said to the opponent from a distance, O commander, I have defeated you! That’s what he said.

In the beginning, all religions were based on training and determining the ego. Some victims torture their own bodies, starve, choose life away from sex, go back to the cave, for self-discipline. In such cases, ego means that it has decided in favor of the internal control process, not in favor of the biological needs within the individual.

The purpose of God’s command and the words of the prophets is to prevent ego, which has been defined as “satan”, from deceiving people. They suggest that the master of man is not ego, but God.

For this reason, all the scriptures emphasize that this world is a temporary testing ground, not to be trapped in worldly pleasures, real life is the afterlife and constantly reminds us of death. Because death will also kill ego.

Maturity, wisdom means controlling ego.

Some people even smell arrogance in their writing. That person is constantly proving himself. Whenever he talks about something, he thinks of it as “I” and responds accordingly. You can see that hidden and deep pride in his eyes, voice and words from time to time. Such people, who are the slaves of their pride, do not find peace for life.

The name is love

The only thing that kills ego is love. A love that is true, deep, passionate, self-sacrificing, as big as dying, like erasing and destroying one’s own identity.

Selling the world for free is called love

Fragmented existence is gone, this is called love

This is what our poet says in a poem I wrote. In the face of such ecstasy, the ego cannot survive and maintain its dominance in man. Defeat it.

There Esrefoglu Rumi knows the truth

Destroying life is called love

But the phrase “ruin life” here is never for a lover or a third party. Taken together with Eşrefoğlu Rumi’s other works and those philosophies, it is clear that what is meant here is “the destruction of the ego.”

In the days of great emotions that drive people emotionally, if the ego is not destroyed, a state of insanity can occur. In fact, it is out of the question that love cannot defeat ego. It goes against the definition of love. So, this kind of insanity situation, when a man kills a woman because he loves her so much, can only be explained by the “illusion of love”. The concept of “either mine or land” has been adopted in our country in a very dangerous way by the Arab culture which has become widespread among the previous generations. And unfortunately, it has made a lasting impression. However, we have such a great culture in the past.

We also know thanks to our culture adapting to the realities of life: the person who wants to merge his own existence with another entity is very powerful. She doesn’t think about winning or losing, she doesn’t think about winning a race, she tends to unite with her boyfriend, if not then live for her.

Because ego is no longer its master. It has a new master, his name is Prem.

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