A new you in love!

It is always good to update yourself. This is true of love, work and social life. Re-evaluating yourself in the right situation at the right time and taking steps that will benefit you will help you move forward in life.

Text: The river lives

There may be no one in your life right now, or you are in a long-term relationship and do not know how to deal with some problems. Instead of bothering yourself, it can be very helpful to take a look inside and honestly understand what you need to do. Expectations can be very high, especially in a love affair. It is very important to understand the reasons for this and to properly analyze the person in front of us. If you want to be new to a relationship, instead of complaining about the person in front of you, you can set your priorities in life and analyze the person you are with or how close you are to them. Development occurs with inspiration and perseverance. If you want to take a new step in your relationship, an interview with psychologist, psychotherapist, couple therapist Bursin Demirkan will be effective.

Why do we make more mistakes in love relationships?
He falls in love with his human opponent. If someone enjoys the same thing as you, if you watch the same movie and like the same food, you will think that he or she is like me. You feel good Sometimes you make the person in front of you the ideal. You will see that he has fallen in love. What you probably fall in love with is what you have and you want it to be. You fall in love with your pathological side as well as the good and beautiful things you have. If you do not improve yourself, you will make a lot of mistakes in your love life. If you are aware of your feelings, it is a good sign if you are raising your awareness day by day. Because this situation means that you see the good and beautiful aspects of the person you meet, as well as the problem people. When you think of love, the theory of attachment comes to mind. And our first love is our mother. When we fall in love, we choose the person we will fall in love with the traces of all the statistics left over from our childhood. And we say, “The moon is beautiful, it looks like me.” This may sound strange, but you may be wondering, what is the relationship between mother, father, grandma, big brother, sister, uncle, aunt, uncle and even the neighbor aunt I love? As children, we inherit many positive and negative emotions from our environment. It is important to aim to take what our ancestors left us and leave the negative aspects. If you are not aware of this, your loves will always be diseased. For this reason, loves can be prone to mistakes.

How does having high expectations in our relationships affect us?
How well do you know yourself? What do you think about give and take balance? What do you think about maintaining balance in life? Do you know and feel about feminine and masculine strength? The more we know ourselves, the more we can realize our expectations from the relationship. In this way, we understand whether we expect more or less from the relationship. We can keep the balance. A person who cannot maintain balance cannot get good feelings and cannot give good feelings. He is either angry or upset. He is either silent or upset. When this happens, there is no healthy communication in the relationship. Frustration occurs. Once you see it, people can’t define what to expect from a relationship. Of course, there are those who can’t start a love affair because they expect too much from the relationship. They are either platonic in love or permanently unmarried. Because they have many excuses to start or run a relationship. For this reason, they create a barrier in front of a relationship that can work very well and end before the relationship starts.

How can we make our relationship, which has been a problem for many years, happy? What steps should be taken by both sides for this?
People need to start their own personal journey, so they need individual therapy. Because a person who does not deal with his own past problems will have difficulty solving his present problems, his standard of living will be lower and his tolerance towards his environment will be less. There is no “burn” for a good quality of life. When a person has a problem, they usually blame the counter but because of that it gets worse. She didn’t say I couldn’t have sex with her, so she didn’t say she went and fell in love with someone else, she said she cheated on me. It is not often said that our relationship was unsatisfactory; If a relationship is not emotionally and physically satisfying, then both parties are likely to have equal emotional difficulties. Things he can’t handle can be different. If we can keep the weight of things he can’t handle on a scale, they’re like each other. For this reason, people in a good relationship should work in situations that they cannot cope with. Of course, in doing so, people may not always accept the realities they face. Because it is easy to blame others. Volunteering is the key to a happy and quality life, developing your skills in relationship building. I recommend individual therapy and couple therapy to restore a happy and high quality relationship.

Have an unlimited relationship?
Conflicts in relationships are normal. A non-conflict relationship is a dead relationship. People may have different opinions. However, expressing ideas and feelings is a healthy thing. The problem is how we perceive it. If you can accept someone’s disagreement with you, you are less likely to have problems in the relationship.

What do we enjoy most about love relationships? What upsets us? Does it make us less motivated?
Daily relationships are not going well, sexual intercourse is not going well, one couple is not saying no to outside interference. When everything is going well, couples have to live in separate places because of the distance between business life, school life, that is.

What can we use to bring vitality to our relationship?
Activities that two people really enjoy can be enhanced. For example, the couple’s common hobbies may be hiking, trekking, visiting art galleries, traveling, watching movies. Exploring these and other areas that they generally enjoy often pays ৷ The important thing is to create a positive environment. Only when they are interested in each other and keep a happy time relationship alive. Sometimes it can be cooking for someone, accepting small gifts. What we should not forget here is that you know very well what your partner likes. Open communication helps a lot in this regard.

What should both parties pay attention to in order to understand each other properly?
It is important to talk when he is calm, not when he is angry. When you are excited, angry and busy, get distracted during the conversation. People do not understand each other properly. Messages are better understood during calm and positive conversations in a calm environment. You can’t communicate as much as you say, but you can communicate as much as the other person understands. Then you need to discover the time and language that he or she can understand.

What should we do to be more loving and noteworthy in our relationship?

We need to develop ourselves and recognize our own feelings. Anyone who recognizes and understands their own emotions becomes more adept at understanding and acknowledging the emotions of others. Of course, one thing you shouldn’t forget is that you can’t feel like wearing another person’s shoes. Another important thing is that people believe in life, trust people and are confident they are tolerant of their environment. I have adopted life philosophy in my own life; For me there is good in what is, and in what there is not there is a thousand good. Whatever comes in the stream is good. It’s good, it’s beautiful. It makes me loving and understanding. Nor should we try to make our environment our own. We need to constantly remind ourselves that the other person is a different person. Many expect their partner to be just like them. When you start living in the same house, the argument starts because you messed up the kitchen and threw your socks on the floor. He does not treat the other person like an adult. If you do not leave the place and give the responsibility to another person, your tolerance towards the person you love will decrease. Of course, it is also important to take a break from the relationship, falling in love does not mean falling down. Couples who spend time with different people and spend extra time on their own needs are more tolerant of each other.

What care should we take to maintain the positive decisions we make in our relationships? Can we be satisfied with ourselves?

The person who is satisfied with himself establishes a better relationship with his environment. If you are not satisfied with yourself then you have to see why you are not satisfied. As an expert who has been doing personal therapy and duet therapy for 24 years, I have observed the personality traits of individuals in Turkish culture. A person’s personality structure greatly influences whether he is satisfied with himself. Most of the Turkish people are of a perfectionist nature. When we look at the previous generation, they have our ideas in the society but they have largely ignored my ideas. For this reason, they nurture happiness in the environment while achieving their own happiness. They have not learned to create their own happiness. For example, they were satisfied with themselves when they received praise from the environment. The key to being happy with yourself is to be able to put up with your own mistakes. We can continue the important decisions we have made in the relationship that we maintain with self-satisfaction.

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