“Is he really in love with me?” Answer the question …

Consider a scenario: When you meet someone, you like them enough to continue seeing each other, but the other party soon begins to feel intensely towards you. If you take one step, you are running in the other direction! Through compliments, gestures and gifts, you can be sure that the other person is deeply in love with you.

Although this may seem like the beginning of their romance, it is known as “Love Bombing” and can be translated as “Love Bombardment” in Turkish. At first glance, you may not see any problem with it, but it is not.

This is one of the manipulative tactics used by narcissists and abusers to describe a state of excessive or even exaggerated attention and affection at the beginning of a relationship. These individuals try to get the love and attention of their target person by presenting an ideal image. So what is their purpose? They gain power over those they target and develop their own arrogance.

The bombing of love is basically unconscious behavior. The narcissistic person tries his best to get the person he is targeting. Then, when they think they’ve really found a person and feel safe in a relationship, the narcissist usually changes and becomes very tough, manipulative.

For a person facing such a situation, at first glance, it may seem that there is no problem. The person’s actions make you feel special, necessary, loved, valued and valued and all these elements that contribute and enhance a person’s self-esteem. If someone gives you something, you think you owe something equal or greater to it. In other words, if your partner shows too much love and attention to you, you feel that you should give in to this behavior, sacrifice, or ‘loyalty’ despite the problems you are facing..

Some people see it as an expression of love, an expression of feelings, but the real problem is that there is no real underlying emotion. Healthy relationships develop over time and most feelings are acquired over time, but in this case, the person does not allow love to develop over time. In addition, the motivation behind the behavior is not to show love to the other party, but to influence them enough to make them dependent. When a person achieves this, they withdraw their attention and interest and you may feel compelled to think about how you are separating someone you fall in love with.

In general, it is characterized by a cycle in which one feels truly better or more deserving than others, seeks regular praise, and then hurts others without fully realizing the person’s influence or remorse. This love bombing is often due to a narcissistic personality. These individuals quickly form a close bond, often seemingly interdependent or weak, and choose people who are waiting for a “savior.” Later, when they are attached to them, they will begin to take control. However, these behaviors do not always specifically indicate a narcissistic personality disorder. Sometimes these extreme displays of care and love come from unresolved pain and trauma. Our attachment style that defines behavioral types of relationships and can guide us on how much we are aware of it. E.g. Someone with an insecure attachment style can go to extremes to quickly “secure” the relationship for fear that their partner will abandon them. The problem is, like anything else, excess love can overwhelm a partner and drive them away, leading to a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy.

On the other hand, someone with a more avoidable attachment style can use it to feel control over their level of intimacy and feel overwhelmed by intimacy when their partner reciprocates. Later, they may start to get annoyed and push them away.

It is seen to come soon for love in a relationship, it can also be recognized by quick steps such as buying expensive gifts, constantly sending flowers to someone’s job or home, or wanting to be together or getting married soon after being together. You may want to pay attention to what you have heard to recognize these behaviors. Manipulators use the following sentences with a frequency that cannot be accidental:

  • “I always want to be with you.” This is not a good sign if you feel guilty for asking for boundaries or space.

  • “I like to test you because I’m worried.” It’s normal to ask them what’s going on with you, but if they’re constantly checking your whereabouts, checking their social media pages, or wanting to know your password, you should think about it.

  • “We were created for each other.” Be careful if things seem too fast or if they say you are their soul mate in the first place.

  • “It’s you and me forever, isn’t it?” Taking a commitment from you is a great way to present your position as if it were your own idea.

References:

Lauren L’Me and Taylor Andrews. “Everything you need to know about love bombings and why it’s so dangerous” Collected from https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a26988344/love-bombing-signs-definition/ (08.02.2022).

Sarah Simon. “Is it love, or love bombing?” Retrieved from: https://www.verywellhealth.com/love-bombing-5217952 (08.02.2022).

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