Love, relationships, dating are beautiful too … is it necessary for happiness?

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And they lived happily ever after … We grew up with stories and movies where the ‘happy ending’ was ‘finding our other half’. We have declared those who do not believe in a happy ending to be pessimistic, we thought they were deceiving themselves. Not finding our soul mate was unacceptable. This was especially true for women. However, now our outlook on life, our desires and expectations are changing. Although everyone wants a relationship, a lover in their life; Love is losing its # 1 place for happiness. In fact, although psychologists say that the most important condition for happiness is not a lover, most of the people we talk to think that they are happy with their friends and hobbies and that the relationship will only add value to their lives.

On the other hand, according to the Turkish Institute of Statistics (TUIK), the rate of uncorrected marriages (number of marriages per 1,000 population) calculated without population growth was 5.84 per thousand in 2020. This rate was 8.35 per thousand in 2001, 7.97 per thousand in 2010 and 6.57 in 2019.

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Clinical psychologist Seren Akıncı, who said that information has become the focus of our lives and the myths that were accepted without question due to the influence of the internet and social media, “Now people ask, ‘Do I really want to get married?’ He thinks, ‘What am I getting?’ Explaining that human happiness in terms of psychology is about feeling safe and realizing oneself, Akıncı said: This is a result we expect at a time when marriage and childbearing are not considered secondary or necessary. “

‘Out of the to-do list’
Gamje (36), human resource specialist, single

Love, marriage, it doesn’t matter, there must be love in life. In the past, marriage was on the ‘to-do list’ of life, such as going to university or getting a job. He’s out of there now. Because no one wants to continue a relationship that they are not happy with because they have to. Of course, I want to be with someone who is nurturing, reassuring, and sexually compatible, but I do not have a relationship that I ‘tolerate’ so that I am not alone.

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‘I love my freedom’
Melis (29), journalist, single

Love is a beautiful thing, but I don’t want to get married or have children. My married friends say, “Don’t get married. You can do whatever you want whenever you like. It’s beautiful, “she says.” Marriage and children are a big responsibility. I love my freedom. Flirting makes me happy. But spending time with my friends, having fun, and achieving something in my work is enough to make me happy. “

‘Marriage does not bring happiness’
Easel (31), foreign trade specialist, single

I don’t believe that a person is ‘the love of someone’s life’. Marriage is a financial and moral guarantee for both parties. Or extra
I don’t think it brings any happiness. I see they are even more unhappy. You can’t do what you want in a relationship. I am a very happy woman even though I am not in a relationship.

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‘Love is a Tired Thing’
Başak (35), private sector employee, single

I believe that love makes people happy. But I do not see marriage as a permanent and important institution. Relationships are hard to find and maintain at this time. Because love is a tiring thing. The effort you put into maintaining the relationship becomes tedious and boring after a while. Unlike before, the more independent we are, the less tolerant we are. If the person in front of you is valuable, efforts can be made for that relationship, but if you are dissatisfied, I think it should end.

‘Comfortable thinking for a single person’
Selim (25), student, unmarried

A man can live a peaceful and happy life without a lover / wife, but it is not possible for me to be happy without a social environment. I think the level of perception of society has increased that not having human relationships is a choice, not a deficit. Being unmarried does not make me feel deprived in my life for now, on the contrary, it allows me to think and act more comfortably as a person instead of two.

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‘Social pressure still exists’
Jizem (29), engineer, single

Relationships for happiness, marriage is not essential. Only from a sociological point of view can social pressure inevitably make people believe it. If you have high awareness and confidence you will not be able to stop it. But otherwise the society very well imposes the feeling of being stuck at home.
To be able to. Marriage is an immutable road …

‘I like girls’
Deniz (45), entrepreneur, single

I had a very happy relationship, got married, had children, broke up, fell in love again, faced disappointment again. I never gave up love. But over the years, I have come to realize that the best thing for me is my girlfriend. Life becomes easier with your friends. Dear lady, I am glad to have you, may our love last forever!

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‘I love festivals!’
Ayla (47), communication consultant, single

I never got married, never wanted to have children. I think people in a relationship should be given space. For example, there must be two houses. Marriage does not allow that. But I could not close the door of love. I just think that a man can be very happy alone. I also think that love is not just experienced with the opposite sex. For example, I fell in love with the festivals … It would be nice if I had a girlfriend with me, but if I don’t, it’s okay, I’m very happy in that crowd.

‘Life Has Happiness’
Furkan (24), engineer, unmarried

I personally believe that a person will fulfill the ‘love of his life’ and be happy forever. But a relationship brings thousands of happiness
Just one of the reasons. The cause of one’s happiness should not be attributed to the existence of another. Being unmarried doesn’t hurt you, but I wouldn’t say it’s a sultan. I think I would be very happy if I could meet someone of good quality and love.

‘Related, plus a factor’
Özge (36), housewife, married

I don’t believe that love will last a lifetime; I just hope and try. If a person’s environment is full of his work, habits and hobbies, then they do not need a relationship to be happy. A beautiful relationship becomes a plus factor that gives happiness. Anyway, connecting happiness with one person is a big burden for the other person. This is why most relationships turn into big frustrations.

“To go forever means to accept all the negativity from the beginning.”
Aye Yannick, specialist psychologist, couple and family therapist

This view that marriage is necessary for happiness is changing all over the world. Because the demands of life are changing. The woman who brought the money led him to share power and even his mother and a worker managed to seize power. Women began to socialize and personality on the street. But unfortunately the man has not changed much in this case. This makes it difficult to live together.

From a romantic perspective, the cost of transferring a relationship to a virtual environment has increased. Without Ayesha there will be Fatma, without Mehmet there will be Ali … At this moment, it is not easy to surrender to love.

Of course we are social creatures, we need mental nutrition. But to say ‘a relationship will last forever’ is to automatically accept all the negativity that is there. However, the healthy one; If something is not right in the relationship, it is to move away from the relationship and start a new one. In this process our family, social environment and our own investment keep us alive. This is why leaving them during the relationship makes us addicted. In the case of relationships, it is necessary to strengthen the general area, but not to destroy the individual area.

“It is no longer necessary to transfer loads to each other”
Fandem EC, Specialist Clinical Psychologist, Founder of World Center for Counseling and Psychology

Women’s place and income in business life is increasing. Both parties meet their own costs and needs. Many couples do not even think of having children, developing an attitude of ‘we want to live our own lives’.

Earlier, ‘Let’s get married and have kids’ was a lifeline. Now it is being said, ‘If we are happy, we can live in the same house without getting married. There is no need to hand over the burden to each other.

The younger generation says, ‘I don’t want to get married, I don’t want to be like my parents’. Also, whether married or unmarried, people can now get social support from friends, coworkers and those with whom they spend more time. We observe this transformation. The relationship does not seem to be a very basic need.

Of course, we are social animals and the need to establish a relationship is always on the side. Love, affection, flirting, these are exciting things … but when there are situations like stress, jealousy, instability, interference, the relationship ends and spending some time with ourselves becomes a situation that we face more and more.

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