Do not say these words when trying to comfort

Specialist Clinical Psychologist Aslı zsoy Yücesan says that mourning is a necessary process to get out of the painful situation of losing a loved one who has great meaning or value in life. The mourning process usually takes about 6 months, but depending on the person, it can take up to a year or a year and a half, says psychologist Usesan. Drink, and talk about harm. “

“You can stand by it silently”

On the other hand, Usesan said that the news of death is hidden in the society from time to time, but on how the news of death should be viewed, “Sometimes, those who cry and cry try to calm them down. Pushing the news of death, words that they cannot accept or react to at that moment, should not be said, even if it is motivated. If that person cries, he should be allowed to cry or cry. Being able to respond to the pain a person feels is very important and should not be interrupted by external influences. The best solution is to break your fears or problems into a series of smaller steps that you can take to begin the process of preparation for mediation.

“Don’t compare the pain when trying to comfort.”

Noting that it is understandable for mourners to be comforted by their relatives, Usasan said, “Although sometimes words of condolence are good for the bereaved, sometimes they may seem meaningless and unreasonable. Among comforting phrases, the most common mistake is to give an example from another person’s own life or pain. Because everyone’s intimacy, the relationship, the bond they have with the lost person and their test with their absence is unique to the person. “Pain should not be compared,” he said.

Psychologist Eussan also talks about how grief, which is not lived in a healthy way, can harm a person. Indicating that emotions can be reflected in the body when there is no emotional transfer, Usesan said, “These people can get physical illness. Stopping or suppressing this process can lead the person to various addictions. If the negative sensitivity increases, some Mental problems such as depression can occur.

Women are showing, men are fading

Although the process of expressing grief depends on personal characteristics, revealing behavioral differences influenced by gender, psychologist Usesan says: Men avoid such emotional transfers, they may go through a more dull and stagnant process without reflecting their emotions. They are trying to normalize the situation immediately by focusing on solving the problem, ”he said.

If he does not return to normal, therapy should be started.

Expressing the fact that the process has been completed by passing these stages, psychologist Usasan says that the person cannot go to the stage of “acceptance” on his own, remain in a more depressed state or say ‘I have to recover, but how?’ He said that when he started asking questions, he actually needed therapy. Noting that “harm and grief therapy” may be available from psychologists in this situation, psychologist Usesan said, “The purpose of grief therapy is not to comfort the bereaved person; By focusing, we realize how connections with memory affect us and provide conflict.

Explaining what therapy provides, psychologist Usesan said, “Grief therapy makes our thinking healthier, increases our tolerance for other harms, treats us more discreetly at the loss of others or at funerals, creates a person’s curiosity about new things, keeps memories.” Maybe. Survive and remember the lost person better. “

There are 5 stages to the mourning process

Explaining that the grief process usually has 5 stages and lists these stages, psychologist Yesesan said, “When people hear the news of the death of their loved one, their first reaction is; Refusing to accept is a great surprise, push, rejection and denial. However, with the decline of denial, there has been an increase in blaming and questioning both oneself and others. Then there is the feeling of promise. Then, depressive behaviors occur with fear of loneliness, thoughts of death, weakness, loss of appetite, physical reactions, helplessness, meaninglessness, emptiness, fear of the dark, and similar reactions. Acceptance comes in the final stages of this mental turmoil. Her death, acknowledging that she will never return to the one she loves, actually forms the point where she realizes that life goes on. After these 5 steps, they are continuing their life because they have accepted the situation and made it normal. “

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