Recent Times | Life

Front note: Not all deaths are the same. When we send our loved ones to the hospital, in some intensive care units, in some homes, our personal experiences are different even outside of the environment where death occurs. So your personal experience may be different from what I have written below. For some reason you can’t witness the last days of the person you are saying goodbye to. I have great respect for all experiences. Thank you for taking the time to read what I wrote.

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The days I spend in the hospital, I have a lot of time to observe the relationship between sick people and their families. My close family did not die of disease. I can say that there are deaths that come quickly, even unexpectedly. Maybe that’s why I’m watching those last days with more attention and interest.

Accompanying a loved one in his or her last moments is a common practice in Australian palliative care services, where I live. When you receive any training as Death Doula (Partner) **, you are also informed about these processes. If you are on the family side, doctors and nurses try to give this information as much as possible.

So what is the information for? This is something I thought about a lot. Knowledge, for me, helps keep me calm, self-centered, and in the process without panic. But another reason for this calm is that I am not a member of that patient’s family or relatives. Can I live in the same peace for a long time near the moment of death of the one I love so much? I do not know.

They have their own silence near death. Although the silence I am talking about is a silence that involves a person’s unconsciousness or most of the sleep, what I am saying is not true.

What I am talking about is the silence that arises from the intensity of the moment when the fans give their full attention to that person in order to capture a meaning from the movement of that person’s face, voice or even small body.

Seeing the source of this silence is one of the greatest blessings my job has given me, created by the possibility of one last contact with loved ones as they prepare for the passage, or try to make them. Spending their last moments as comfortably as possible is love. This is probably the last gift given to their loved ones, which requires great care and effort on the part of Assad. Therefore, it is an area where they show all kinds of attention and care.

My father was hospitalized for cardiac arrest twelve years ago. He died after less than twenty-four hours of intensive care. Hours before her death, my sister and I had the opportunity to say goodbye to the intensive care unit with the permission of the doctor. At that time my attitude towards death, my knowledge or experience was not like this moment of my life. All I knew was that I had a strong desire to say goodbye and in the 10 minutes I was given I was able to say how much I love him. When I first entered the intensive care unit, the very noisy and compressed structure of the environment gave way to a strange isolation after a few minutes, as if only my father, sister and I were left on earth. The external intensity was displaced within me as another type of intensity. I spent a limited amount of time observing my dad’s movements, listening to his breathing and being able to hear him when he made sounds. A single word, a single word or movement; My father was the center of my world.

It’s hard for me to think about doing this for hours or days. But the time I spend in palliative care, I have witnessed the intensity of such a long time.

One of the information we provide from the hospital is to count sixty between two breaths and call the nurse during the patient’s change of breath and when you take a long non-stop breath where you feel every breath last. The way I spend this little “one minute” as a dowry and calmly count the numbers is often not like the experience of relatives. Curiosity, anxiety, fear, restlessness, depression and perhaps panic dominate their faces so that that breath can be the “last breath”.

I understand the value of that last breath that brings separation in the physical body when I look at the faces of their relatives waiting for their deathbed. You want to escape death for the rest of your life, refuse to talk or believe that you can fight and delay its arrival; When death is doing its work in that room, the last moments you spend silently beside your loved one are actually a rare work in which you present your “purest and most real” sweat for life.

* Doula is an ancient Greek word and means woman who helps (serves). Death Dula (companion) means a person who provides assistance to the deceased and / or their family without medical assistance.

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