Childhood peer relationships: family counseling

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Like individual skills, peer relationships have periodic features and development. The child’s social relations with himself and his interactions with similar people outside of himself also grow, develop and mature.

Peer relationship by age

Age 0-2:

* As a social creature, man interacts with his environment from the moment he opens his eyes to the earth. The first signs of a person’s peer relationship are seen when they are only six months old, when they see other children, when they smile, touch and smile at each other.

* Two children brought together at the same age come in contact with each other, albeit for a short time (a few seconds to a few minutes).

* At two years of age, peer relationships that show the same characteristics as one year of age begin to develop into a mild attitude towards sharing.

Age 3:

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* Children’s aspirations and sensitivity to peer relationships increase after the age of two.

* During this time, children begin to make choices among their peers and they have no difficulty in establishing relationships.

* Children who do not have difficulty in establishing relationships with their peers face major difficulties in maintaining relationships. During this time, their parents may need a big deal to intervene.

* Relationships of this period show very egocentric features. The goal is to achieve rather than give children the understanding of friendship in bilateral or group relationships. When they want to take their friend’s toys, they don’t want to give them their own toys, so they often have problems.

* One of the equivalent relationships of this age is the increase in the desire to have sex with the same sex. Children mostly like to play games with their peers.

* One of the equivalent relationships of this age is the increase in the desire to have sex with the same sex. Children mostly like to play games with their peers.

Age 4-5:

* From this age, as children’s perceptions of rules and boundaries begin to develop, positive developments are observed in peer relationships.

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* Children also begin to recognize rules with the help of past experiences.

* As a result of their social development, the desire of children to play in groups increases from the age of 4-5 years.

5-6 years old:

* 5-6 year olds, who have been able to communicate adequately with their peers and have been able to play “games” with the strongest peer relationships and communication, are now beginning to internalize the rules of peer relationships.

* During this period, the game is increased with the rules of the game as a group.

* From time to time, children design their own games with rules or want to change existing rules.

* Also during this time, friendships began to develop slowly and games began to evolve from a social need to a place to share feelings.

7-9 years:

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* During this period, which coincides with the child’s primary school age, the importance and place of peer relationships begin to feel better.

* Children in this age group spend almost all of their energy on peer relationships and sports.

* Friendship relationships are often dull and show realistic features, with children prioritizing their own pleasures and fun over friendships and sports.

* Gender grouping is clearly visible in primary school age. Girls tend to play with girls and boys tend to play and befriend.

* Girls ‘groups describe boys as “rude, loud” and boys’ groups describe girls as “perverted, weak”.

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* The primary goal and developmental work of an elementary school child is to be accepted into the peer group and gain the appreciation of his teachers and friends.

* During this time, children can compete to compete and prove themselves, to compete, to show strength, to strive for status as leaders, or to establish dominance in the team. Therefore, peer conflict and annoyance become an integral part of the friendship relationship.

* In addition to conflict, during this period, colleagues are suitable for imitating and modeling each other. In addition to conflict, colleagues are well suited to imitate and model each other during this period. ; Grouping among the girls and forming small groups among themselves.

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* Children whose “empathy” skills have begun to develop during this time and who are still far from the empathy that we adults can establish, may sometimes display attitudes and behaviors that we describe as “cruel” to their friends.

A multifaceted perspective on peer relationships

Ata College Psychological Counseling and Guidance Unit has listed the following key phrases that should be kept in mind in all matters and situations related to our children:

* Development is an overall in all its aspects. The cognitive development of the individual feeds and supports social development, social development and mental development.

* The development and characteristics of each child are unique, individual differences in development are essential.

* The role of parents and family is most important in supporting almost all development areas.

* The most basic work of all kinds of education begins in the family. The family is the child’s social environment, and the parents are the first part of the individual’s social life.

In light of these key phrases, the Ata College Psychological Counseling and Guidance Unit, which discusses how to build and maintain peer relationships in a healthy way, draws attention to the elements shared below.

* The development of peer relationships is related to many developmental areas of the child. The benefits that a person has accumulated in various fields and the extent to which he has been able to use these benefits is an important factor in a peer relationship.

* Skills in establishing healthy peer relationships;

* Cognitive skills such as problem solving, conflict resolution, critical thinking, analysis and interpretation,

* Emotional skills such as understanding and recognizing emotions, expressing emotions in the right way, accepting and dealing with negative emotions and being able to be empathetic,

* It is nurtured by social skills such as initiating communication, maintaining existing communication, being an active listener, discussing, collaborating, joining groups, saying no and setting boundaries.

* These skills may not be at the same level and develop in all peers. Not every child can find the right conditions to develop and demonstrate their existing skills.

In addition to these, the child’s innate traits (introversion, extroversion, etc.) are one of the determining factors in the development of peer relationships.

In addition to these, the child’s innate traits (introversion, extroversion, etc.) are one of the determining factors in the development of peer relationships.

* When we consider the differences between children and the environment that creates the environment for healthy peer relationships, we can look at peer conflicts and relationships in our children’s school environment from a deeper perspective.

* One of the most important aspects of peer relationships is that it is a very important opportunity for the child to acquire new social, emotional and cognitive skills, as well as allow the child to showcase his acquired skills.

* The child’s skills and achievements are usually created in a family environment. Many factors such as the family environment, which is the most important place where the individual connects with life, the quality and quantity of relationships in this environment and the attitude of the parents play an important role in achieving the basic achievements required for the establishment of the child. Healthy peer relationships.

* Dialogue between parents is based on love and respect,

* Healthy talk,

* Perspectives focus on solutions, not problems, and processes, not results,

* Emotions are named and shared,

* Boundaries and rules are properly framed,

* Responsibilities from the youngest member of the family to the elderly are handled in a fair and meaningful way,

* Cooperation is emphasized and cared for,

* Have role models who are sensitive and sympathetic,

* Children who grow up in a family environment where children’s personalities are supported and given opportunities for new experiences and skills, for the most part, have the basic achievements needed to establish a positive peer relationship.

Advice for the family

Undoubtedly, every important thing in children’s lives becomes equally important to their parents. The common goal of your parents and educators is to socialize our children happily through healthy relationships. To this end, Ata College Psychological Counseling and Guidance Unit advises on areas where you can support your children and contribute to their development:  First, you need to know the structure and nature of your peer-to-peer relationship. Inside. In this way, your observations will make your child’s experiences more meaningful to you.

* Respect your child’s personality and traits. The fact that your child is introverted or wants to spend time with himself from time to time does not make him a failure in social relationships. But forcing him to be the friend you “want” can put pressure on him.

* Respect your child’s personality and traits. The fact that your child is introverted or wants to spend time with himself from time to time does not make him a failure in social relationships. But forcing him to be the friend you “want” can put pressure on him.

* Give your children the opportunity to be with their peers as much as possible. The most important factor that nurtures and strengthens peer relationships is peers.

* Monitor your child in a social environment, exchange information with their teachers and guidance unit to get “objective” information about their relationship at school. This will allow you to get information about your child’s improved or improved features and get advice on what you can do about it.

* Normalize conflict and see it as “training for opportunity”. Children may tell you about the conflict they have had during this time and they may be in a state of sadness or anger as they speak.

In similar cases:

* Stay away from exaggeration, calm and moderate attitude,

* Encourage your child to express their feelings and thoughts about the event,

* Help identify problems in the middle and create solutions. Always be on your side when dealing with your child’s problems, but never give him a ready solution.

* If children can manage and manage their conflicts in a healthy way, they transform these conflicts into important learning and experiences.

* For example, a child who is in conflict because he does not want to play the same game all the time in the group; They will have the opportunity to improve their skills in expressing their desires, saying no, expressing their feelings and thoughts, exploring new options, evaluating alternatives, etc. At the other end of the conflict is the child; Learns to take care of the desires, feelings and thoughts of others, to delay satisfaction and to respect different ideas.

* Remember that establishing and maintaining a positive equivalent relationship is in the shadow of “life skills”! Supporting your child’s personality, delegating responsibilities, giving them opportunities for new experiences by believing will inevitably be positively reflected in peer relationships.

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