Marriage and marriage can be a passion for some people from childhood. There are even some people who dream of their future wedding and wedding dress or want to announce their marriage to everyone. Chantelle Kelly, an 18-year-old girl living in Ireland, is one of them. Kylie invited the whole town to her wedding with her cousin, making her wedding known to everyone who lived here. – There are no legal barriers to cousin marriage in Ireland, but it is not a culturally preferred marriage. The couple, who all wanted to know about this wedding, had a great wedding with 73 best men. 7 grooms and 73 grooms also took active part in spreading the news of marriage. Although the party travels 10 months of the year, everyone gets together during the wedding season. The couple celebrated their wedding through a ceremony that the city will never forget. In her engagement to Chantelle, the bride made a strong impression with her wedding dress, which was sewn by a famous designer and adorned with at least 20,000 crystals.
For some, marriage may be more of a ‘dependency’ than a promise of a lifelong commitment. In other words, finding the ‘right person’ can sometimes take longer than expected. Monet Dias, a 53-year-old American who has been married 11 times, is now preparing for her 12th wedding.
‘I have been married 27 times’
So much so that all the marriages of Dias, who had trouble counting the names of his ex-wives, ended due to minor problems. The longest marriage of Dias lasted 10 years and the shortest 6 months. The diameter itself, “I quickly fell in love and when I put them together I think I had 28 proposals. I always dreamed of what my marriage would be like, what my husband would be like and I fell in love with it. When my relationship didn’t work out, I think Monet I need to find another actor to match the movie. ” He says.
The decision to get married quickly was made because …
So, why do those who decide to get married quickly and get married instantly, prefer such a relationship? When it comes to marriage, today we face two different poles. One party delays or rejects the marriage process in many negative stereotypes about marriage. On the other hand, they may decide to get married very quickly in their relationship and experience divorce very quickly.
Especially today, the increase in working hours, the flexible work model and the fact that people spend most of their day in business life, has significantly reduced the time allotted for relationships. At the moment, people often prefer to get married because they live in the same house, thinking that it will facilitate meeting. Another reason for this is the increase in job opportunities outside the city or abroad with flexible work models. Couples, who will settle elsewhere, may decide to get married quickly with the concern of separation. On the other hand, experts point out that since circles do not bond well when they know each other, the chain of relationships must be broken at some point and this cycle is repeated over and over in human life.
‘They are married and divided’
Considering those who got married for the 12th or 15th time, can it be said that the underlying cause is marital addiction? Family and couple therapist Tania Verder“First of all, I must say that we predict that similar marriage processes will increase and change the shape of the marriage process. Addiction is a more specific concept that includes many diagnostic criteria, but we can create a more general definition by saying that one thinks The dating process is very effective. The excitement of dating and the urge to explore when it comes to dating new people pushes the person into this situation, “he said.
“After a while, the process turns into people who are never satisfied with the growth of marriage. There may be many personality disorders inherent in the situation, but in general, the situation must be viewed from an attachment point of view. She wants to be alone for the rest of her life. She wants to be in a relationship with someone all the time in her life. When she enters into a relationship, she can’t satisfy the person. Perfect for, but in the process, she can’t stay because of her anxiety, and she does it over and over again in the form of divorce and marriage. Again. The cycle goes on. “
‘She feels lonely and helpless’
Verder, who predicted that many marriages would take place in Turkey as well as abroad, in the years to come, Verder told the story of one of his clients with these words:
“My male client, who said he was in a relationship for as long as he could remember, said he felt aimless, lonely and useless when there was no one in his life. When we look at the family stories of such clients, we see very isolated family models. Although the family in the conditional relationship seems to be together, it is called a strong bond. They are emotionally separated families who could not form a mentally separated family in their youth. They decided to marry the first person they met in six months and moved to another city, but soon they had communication problems. They decided to divorce. “
‘This is not possible without your battery full capacity’
Noting that his client has found himself in serious mental illnesses such as severe headaches and some physical problems, anxiety disorders and major depression, Verder said, “During this time, he tried many new relationships, even many new marriages and failed. Especially if we talk about this kind of marriage and relationship addiction, the person always finds an excuse to leave his partners and continue his life with a new one. In fact, the key to being examined is the process of creating their own attachments and relationships that begin with the original family and continue with their relationship.
Drawing attention to the growing divorce rate with the epidemic, family and couple therapist Tania Verder emphasized that staying away from social life for long periods of time, spending the same amount of time in the same house, and losing almost no space at all creates a rift in the relationship. “We have been closely monitoring the impact of the epidemic on our clients for over 2 years.” Verder said, “I liken this situation to a phone battery. If you can’t replenish your own battery to its full capacity, you can’t have a full performance life. “So, as tolerance decreases, so does communication problems in marriage. It inevitably leads to divorce.” He noted in particular that the epidemic had deeply affected our bilateral relations.
‘I never wanted people to be alone in my life’
Verder said those who have a permanent marriage or relationship should be supported and the underlying causes of the process should be discovered. “As a breakup in the family increases their anxiety about the existence of life, these people who are trying to build themselves up in their relationship must examine their relationship types with the help of an expert. In the process, they have the opportunity to see that many of their relationships end the same way for the same reason and that these relationships have a lot in common with their original family. Emphasizing that this awareness process changes attitudes, Verder concludes:
One client who went through the process said, ‘Living alone was possible, being alone was like torture to me. I would take people I never wanted in my life so I would never be alone. I tested myself. Tolerance. However, there was a reason, now I’m sorry to have gone through those years. Not only did I realize I couldn’t stand myself, I made peace with myself. “