He turned a blind eye to his wife and his son fell into the swamp.

“It simply came to our notice then. If a word is not able to turn a blind eye to her, I refuse to sell and use the substance. But as they say, ‘Turn the handle, the day will come, the reckoning will come’ … who knows how many mothers we have kidnapped now that my husband is in prison and my son is addicted to drugs … “ The pain he felt when he uttered his words was evident from the swelling of his eyes as a result of the tears and the huge bulges in his eyes. As the mother spoke, I could feel and see that she had suffered for her children when she tore herself apart, but most of all, when I thought of the devastation others caused to her children, I could feel and see remorse. .

She couriered her son

It has been 8 years since her husband went to jail and since then she has tried to be both mother and father for her children. He tried to keep his sons away from his wife and this situation as much as possible, but in vain. He found out too late that his father had embraced his eldest son. The father first used his own son as a courier, thinking he was a minor and would not be punished. A teenager, on the other hand, feels big and useful because of his father’s pride. The man in front of him is not just anyone, his own father, an ideal.

This process, which has become normal in her son’s eyes, since the mother tries to stay away from him out of fear, does not interfere in any part of the process and is afraid, becomes an exemplary and adaptive experience for the young man. At the beginning of active life. Father-son cooperation in the eyes of the son ‘My father trusts me, my relationship with my father is better than anyone else, he gives me everything’ This leads to a child’s thinking and the formation of a false bond between father and son and, most importantly, a young person who believes that this lie will feel sincerity and a great trauma later on.

Family ‘Head Builder’

Wegscheider ‘(1981) describes the role of the ‘head maker’ in the dependent family ‘If the problem drinker is a single parent, the main producer is the older child and conceals the regular drinking behavior and takes responsibility for the family’s continuity.’ Expressed by definition. The young man, who ignores his father’s problems and allows his father to use himself so that he does not harm the integrity of the family, is in the position of ‘chief builder’ of this family.

“She was not working. She was unemployed. We had two children. I was alone and over time I kept him in his place because I didn’t have a family behind me. I wondered where to go, who to take refuge in, he would find me and kill me, leaving my children alone. The determination and emptiness of not being able to find someone gave him great courage over time. He did nothing secretly. He was feeling all the abnormal situation as if they were normal at home. Their plans for the use, distribution, etc. of the substance. I could not make a sound, he was like an enemy to me and immediately resorted to violence. I was trying to ignore it, to keep my children away in my own way, until he went to jail, stood at our door and met the lenders and saw with my own eyes that my son was also using it and that he went through the crisis. Because she couldn’t find him. ”

Since the treatment is on a voluntary basis – which I will reinforce with a sentence from the mother that has affected me – “They describe it as a brain disease. When they say it should be treated, they expect people with brain disease to decide to treat it. They say it must be voluntary.” He did not want to treat his son. Realizing that his father was not coming to him with a sense of true love and ownership, he punished himself and his mother, who had been silent at the time, using drugs and refusing to be treated. The inability to let go of the substance was also the result of trauma caused by a negative mood process, such as the fact that the father’s personality was fake but he could understand, was deceived, even if he argued that the mother would not protect him. To know it, to feel the emptiness and to feel alone.

Corruption of love

Our interaction, our brief but effective conversations with Mom and herself, sometimes with her brother and herself, persuaded her to reshape her life. But it was his instinct to protect his brother that initiated the process. What they read was a desire to show what kind of true love, what kind of sense of ownership and ownership is really needed through his brother, so that his brother does not feel deprived of this precious situation that he cannot feel or find. Within yourself

Being a parent requires great responsibility and sacrifice, yes, but it takes the most courage. Protecting children from the current process rather than avoiding bad parents, keeping their level of awareness high, being able to think and make quick decisions, not hiding or ignoring them, and the “love” degradation that will create great trauma for their children in the future.

Dr. Burku Bostancioglu


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