How to overcome the problem of trust in the relationship?

Specialist Clinical Psychologist

Cinema Gul Sahin

Faith is one of the most important elements of our relationship. The ease of feeling of trust allows a person to stay in a relationship, to establish a healthy love relationship with the other party and to be bound. There is no long-term or healthy relationship where there is no trust.

People with faith problems display a skeptical and pessimistic nature in relationships. They think negatively about other people’s motives. They may often feel that others are trying to hurt them or that their partner is cheating on them. Therefore, they cannot establish a long-term relationship in this condition. Because of their belief that they will be abandoned in the end, they often use leaving without entering into a deep relationship as a defense.

How does a belief problem happen?

Problems with self-confidence often arise from childhood experiences between the ages of 0-5 years. During this time, if a person’s physical and / or emotional needs are ignored, abused, or exposed to inconsistent behavior, it can lead to trust problems. When people are born, they are completely dependent on their environment as children, so they create survival strategies. This is done by trial and error according to the response of our environment. Childhood decisions are made in repetitive situations. It’s like my mom if I cry enough, or my mom is not with me when I need her, which means I can’t trust her presence … these decisions and strategies become stereotyped over time and people use it Began to do the pattern of his adult life. Parents who do not feel safe are replaced by relationship partners, bosses or coworkers at work and relationships in the social environment. On the other hand, insecure people become people who are afraid of being abandoned because they are afraid of losing the love and attention of the other party, cannot end their relationship even if it has to end, or conversely, cannot easily enter into a relationship and Reject their need for others.

Of course, although it covers a very important part, the factors that affect our sense of trust are not just childhood experiences. Witnessing conflicting parental relationships in early childhood, being socially rejected during school or adolescence, being bullied by peers, and facing expulsion can have a devastating effect on us. Also, other traumatic experiences such as war, accidents, theft, harassment, and deception also damage our sense of trust. In the case of post-traumatic stress, individuals experience this phenomenon repeatedly in their minds. It is very difficult for a person to create a feeling of security with concomitant anxiety and other negative emotions. This could set him apart from other people or make him extra attached to them. In such situations, the method of EMDR therapy that works with direct trauma is very helpful.

So how can we overcome insecurity?

First of all, as a person, you should accept that this is a problem in your life and consider solving this problem as a priority in your relationship and start taking action. Because the foundation of an insecure relationship is like a missing building. At this point, it is important to be open with the other person in the relationship and to mention that you are working on your sensitivity in this matter even if you do not provide all the details. In order to build trust with others, we need to give this opportunity to trust both ourselves and the other person. It doesn’t have to be a big step, even small steps taken at the beginning will reduce the frustration rate, so it’s a more inspiring and healthier way to progress. Your self-confidence has a lot to do with your distrust on the other side, so it’s best to work to support your self-confidence. If you feel you need help with this procedure, you can contact a therapist. Your relationship with your therapist is a powerful tool for learning how to trust other people and giving you new coping skills. Remember that you do not have to face every challenge alone.

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