Why are children irresponsible? How to give a child a sense of obligation? Ways to instill a sense of obligation in the child.
Parents of a student after a seminar: “Teacher, why doesn’t she do her homework and study when I tell her, even though this kid is all right?” He asked. We also: “Since the sense of obligation has not developed …” We answered. This time, our parents: “But teacher, shouldn’t responsibility be taught in school?” He asked. We also: “Responsibility is first learned in the family, not in school. In fact, it would be a little more glamorous, but the teacher at school alone cannot teach responsibility, which parents cannot teach at home. This is because the awareness of responsibility is to collect the toys that children have been playing with since childhood, to fix the bed they are lying on and to tidy up the desk where they work. And most importantly, it does not fail to collect children’s backs endlessly! In other words, it’s about taking responsibility for children and letting go … “ We have been reciprocal.
Why do kids have no responsibility awareness?
Our observation as an educator is; We find that most of our children who start school do not develop a sense of responsibility. Surprisingly, we, as parents, are not even aware of it. In other words, most of the behaviors that we do to make our children think of their well-being and to make their work easier, negatively affect the development of our children’s sense of responsibility. As parents, we still believe that children will develop an awareness of responsibility by thinking and doing everything they can. When children are faced with a situation that requires responsibility and the result is not desirable; “Why is this boy like that?” We are starting to say.
As parents, we interfere so much with our children from childhood that when these children start school, they appear before us as students with a sense of compulsion, but with a dependent personality. This means that children are in school; They present themselves as people who have difficulty making friends and adhering to the rules of the classroom, who are afraid to raise their hands in the classroom, who cannot make their own decisions, who constantly wait for their opponent’s approval when making decisions. Process, those who can’t do their homework without someone and those who hope to get their back.
When it is seen that even though their classes increase with age, children still do not fulfill their responsibilities; “You’re big, you still can’t do a job without me!” We are starting to say. Our attitude as parents is like waiting for a bird with a plucked wing to fly.
Where did we go wrong?
We didn’t see it, we bought more than all the things she would use before she was born so they could see it. We gave him special food instead of natural food so that he could be fed better. We put it in a comfortable cradle and bed to make it more comfortable. We taught him to walk with walkers instead of standing. Even though they were big, we would feed them if they could not feed themselves. We piled new technology toys in front of him so he could hit himself if he played outside. If we work as mothers we have hired the best babysitter. We gave the best to the nursery. For the best of all, we thought and acted on behalf of the children. We are the best parents and we do it with the welfare of our children in mind.
When it comes to kids’ school age, we fall into the problem of the best school and the best teacher. Although the school is within walking distance of our home, we either put it in service or brought it in our private car so that he does not get tired while traveling to school. We think about children’s homework and lessons. If necessary we have done baby homework. We went to her feet at least four or five times in the morning to pick up the prince and the princess. If necessary we take breakfast at his feet. We prepared her bag, food and pocket money before going to school. If you can’t drive to school, we carry school bags.
We have forgotten that all sacrifices have been accepted so that they can read and be responsible. Children will not be accustomed to preparing and developing a sense of obligation. Nonetheless, we hoped that if children today could not go to school after their clothes, tidy up their beds and houses and were unable to carry their bags, their sense of responsibility would develop.
Again, we did not see this, we have specially decorated the children’s rooms so that no one bothers them and they can study well. We bought them mobile phones with sophisticated technical features that we could not use the talent. In addition to this, we have downloaded the internet on how many minutes, how many thousands of SMS and mobile phones in a harmonious way every month.
We can continue, but I don’t have time to write or read it. After all, we thought of everything, high school entrance exams and university exams, so that these kids are responsible. We didn’t think about it, we gave our best. Whether or not we made the slightest effort to develop a sense of responsibility in children is not certain.
Today, we hope our children, whose beds and homes we cannot teach, will achieve a good high school in the name of responsibility. Today we expect that the child, whom we cannot teach to break two eggs in the kitchen, will get a good university with a sense of responsibility.
These children, whom we do not eat, do not feed, do not wear clothes, hold baby roses in their hands, will expect similar sacrifices from us even if they win in university. Our children, to whom we have brought every service to their feet, have become independent people, not independent people who stand on their own feet.
What do you do?
No one takes the responsibility that parents cannot teach, nor does the child learn. For this reason, children who grow up with a baby rose and their back should not be expected to learn compulsion from school. Therefore;
The more we interfere in the education and upbringing of children, the harder it will be for them to grow up on their own. When they grow up, they should not be treated as if they were younger than their age, so that they do not develop a dependent personality who cannot make their own decisions, is afraid to take responsibility and cannot believe in themselves.
Children should be given responsibilities according to their age. What children do should not be thought or done for them. Especially homework and lessons. If children want to stand on their own two feet and make their own decisions, they need to increase their self-esteem by giving them appropriate work according to their age and level from an early age. Because responsibility is learned in the family. If the child does not like to study and does not study today, the reason is that responsibility awareness has not developed. The primary responsibility given to him by the children; It should work to combine her toys, bed and room.
Children should be encouraged to do things appropriate for their age and sometimes the child’s efforts and actions should be appreciated and rewarded. Children should be compared to yesterday and today without being compared to others. The child needs to see positive behavior instead of negative behavior and increase ego esteem. In addition to these;
It should be a suitable model for the child in terms of obligation and sovereign personality. Behaviors and behaviors that will cause children to become dependent characters should not be reinforced. Children should be encouraged to make their own decisions. Kids should be taught to collect themselves instead of lifting their backs. Support names for children should not be entered in the following responsibilities. Guiding children in their school assignments and responsibilities should not be helped outwardly.
Source: M. Certain Karabacak, Altınoluk Magazine, Number: 435
Islam and Ihsan
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