Don’t overdo it Dr. Gulserin Budaisioglu

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Moreover, in our country, we often feel not only negative emotions, but also emotions like love, excitement, happiness and joy. In our culture, it is considered normal and justified for people to feel sorry for the events that have befallen them and the harm they have suffered, while displays of joy, especially by our young girls and women, are not welcomed.

In this way, we become adults who are ashamed to express their feelings and do not even know them very well. Girls may not feel their true feelings from an early age, for fear of being blamed, and boys for maintaining their dignity. Our feelings, which cannot express themselves, come back to us as problems for which we do not know the reason, because they swell inside us like boiling milk in the oven, rise and fall as we boil.

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As we perceive the world by our senses; That is, if we see with our eyes, hear with our ears, touch with our hands, our soul can understand its existence because of our emotions. Eventually, we gradually become excited, stressed, and unhappy adults. Most of the time, we look for happiness in financial well-being, but after a while, it doesn’t help either.

It is not possible for a person who lives together and has to follow the rules of the society in which he lives. We all need discipline, control and discipline. The better a society maintains the balance of these rules and disciplines, the happier and more peaceful the people of that society will feel.

See what a young girl wrote to us about …

Confidential print

Hello my teacher Gulsaren,

I Okay, 22 years old, strict follower of your book, I am a young woman. We can’t thank you enough for giving us the opportunity to express ourselves in this column. Without taking too much of your time, I want to tell you my story.

I’m unhappy, teacher … I’m unhappy, but I can’t share this feeling with anyone. When I try to share “Do you realize how many people want to be in your place? If you say what others should do, you are ungrateful, you do not appreciate what you have. Trust me to get answers like, I tried a lot not to feel that way, but it didn’t work. Believe me, hearing these sentences made me believe that I should be happy, I can’t support my unhappiness.

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‘Ilam was more important’

Everyone knew each other in the area where we lived when I was younger. So we had to be role models. We were not allowed to be naughty or play openly on the streets. God forbid, if we make such a mistake, everyone will talk behind our backs. You see, what the world would say was more important than how we grew up. We too, in order to be an example to the world, have tried so hard to be directed towards children that when we have grown up and become adults, we have forgotten ourselves from thinking about the surroundings.

Don’t look at what I’m telling you, if you look at it from the outside, I’m sure you’ll say that these parents put pressure on you. I just realized. They did it so secretly that they forced me to accept this pressure and their expectations as I wished; I have already forced myself not to understand. They had nothing to say; They are innocent, I am guilty. They are good parents, I am a spoiled child who does not know how to be grateful.

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Until now, I have always lived for others, my teacher. Love and acceptance were so important to me that I was sure I wouldn’t love for who I am, but I thought if I did what they said I would love their loved ones, listen to their songs, read books they read, and they I have to like. But while I was working hard for all of this, I later realized that I missed the most important thing: when I was trying so hard to make others love me, I never loved myself, my teacher … In fact, I never did. . I don’t even know myself. “Who am I?” I do not have my own answers to all the questions.

As you can imagine, this “Never” It also affected my emotional state. I’ve never had an emotional affair before. Leave the relationship; I have never met a servant of God who loved me, wanted to know me, said he loved me. I liked it but they didn’t know about it and so I was left with a lot of pain. When no one loves me, I always dream that those I fall in love with love me. In fact, sometimes I believed those dreams so much that I was cut off from real life.

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‘I’m tired of the pain’

Before, I always blamed it for my ugliness. I wasn’t the kind of person who would try to be beautiful, let alone be well-groomed, wouldn’t you? I didn’t have it. Because we were taught around us that we should all set an example, that decoration is a bad thing. Girls dress up only for boys, and that was a crime. Now I see myself, I try to be beautiful and more attractive, but the results do not change. Nobody likes me. So it’s not about being ugly or beautiful, good or bad.

I’m so tired, my teacher … whether anyone likes me or not; I’m always tired of liking someone, falling in love right now, being attached and then having trouble. I give up hope that someone will like me, but I don’t want to be attached to anyone else, I don’t want to feel anything towards anyone. How can I handle this, sir?

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Thanks again for giving us this opportunity. Gulserin Hodja ‘M

Best wishes …


We start life in the shadow of our family

My dear readers,

In our society, not only in childhood, but also in adulthood, society continues to oppress us because we are the children of a society with a deep and long history. Although the world is turning away from old habits, customs and traditions every day and bringing new customs into the new world, not all societies can keep up with this pace. Maybe we need a little more time. However, no matter how much societies insist on changing and clinging to the old, the world has been able to move on as a new world every day for thousands of years, meaning no society has been able to stop the change.

‘Print fields are different’

In developed and civilized societies this pressure has shifted to other areas. You can’t throw garbage on the ground, you can’t pollute, you can’t go in front of the line, you can’t stop at the red light, the road will be yours but pedestrians will be preferred. Society does not allow you to break such rules. It sets you free as long as you do not harm others.

When raising their children, they are taught to eat their own food as soon as possible, not to disturb others in public, and to respect the rights and freedoms of others. They don’t comb their hair for their children, but they continue to live their own lives as much as possible.

Those children start life very differently from the children growing up in our home. They learn to be themselves, to be free from dependence, to learn to stand on their own two feet more quickly. On the other hand, our children enter life as dependents on the family from the very first day. They are independent and alone, we are dependent and we begin the journey of life in the shadow of our family. We do not know what to do without an elder and an authority in our head, and on the other hand, we do not want to be separated from our family or are not afraid of those behind us who love us, tell us what to do and what to do in good or bad times. Don’t be left alone.

Although freedom brings with it loneliness, addiction causes us to be unable to be ourselves and to live our own lives. So both have to pay the price.

If we can support our children and young people as soon as possible, while living our lives, and without imposing our own truths on them, without interfering too much with them, even helping them.

Rebuild yourself

Dear Well,

You started this journey without knowing life at all, only with what you saw and heard in your family. You have very well expressed the hidden pressure that you are feeling. In fact, you are not alone in this. Many children in our society have already grown up with this hidden pressure.

Life actually teaches us something new every day. You write in your letter that you have learned and tried new things. Continue to struggle in this way even if it is difficult to learn and hold on to life. It was not easy to win this battle, not just for you, but for any of us. Those who leave the hull pour it slowly, those who do not leave the hull walk without falling.

I guess you are a student and you left your family for the first time so you are still a life beginner. If you want so much, life will teach you a language you don’t know yet. Instead of dreaming, you realize your dreams such as living this life, loving, loving, respecting and honoring. However, if you choose the easy way and stick to your dreams, unhappiness will never leave you. You know, life loves the worker, not the occupier. How to rediscover yourself? You can start by loving that child inside you. Love.

You can send me your letters and messages. You can send it. See you next week in another story, goodbye, stay in love.

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