Yeliz Arda – Everything is hidden in childhood!

The quality, style and form of relationship that parents or caregivers establish with the child provides information about his or her future life and how he or she will become an adult. The way we connect in a relationship can positively or negatively affect a person’s relationship with their partner or environment.

The first relationship we establish in life is hidden in the bond of trust and love we have with our family. Traumatic experiences, all sorts of unresolved conflicts and problems in your childhood or early years can affect you in your emotional and friendship relationships throughout your youth. The first thing that comes to mind when considering the science of psychology is “Let it come down to your childhood“The sentence. Because every manBirthplace childhood

While this is a classic phrase, the memories and experiences here are invaluable. Childhood experiences, the way we perceive life, the relationships we establish with our parents, traumatic experiences, how you perceive and code negative experiences, and our genetic factors are very influential on what kind of people we would accept into us. Lives in youth. In other words, if we are cared for or nurtured by our mother, father, or someone with whom we were born, the attachment we establish with them continues to affect our adult relationships until we realize it.

Living in constant fear of abandonment

The feeling of trust, which we want at the root of all our established relationships, confirms the type of connection that a person establishes with himself and shares with others. Those who have been able to establish a secure bond with their parents since childhood build their future relationships based on a sense of trust; Those who have been neglected or have never seen a healthy relationship fail to communicate in their romantic relationship. Our attachment style; Affects and directs our relationships and how we deal with who we are.

You want to trust your spouse a lot, but something is constantly bothering you, shaking you, worrying about being abandoned, or feeling overwhelmed when you’re going to trust and love someone too much. And you shouldn’t run away from there. These styles, which we call attachment styles, can basically shape who we are, our relationships and our behaviors.

All right! Do you have any connection style?

How would you describe yourself as your adult relationship partner? Can we say that he is equally confident about himself and his partner and sure about his relationship? If you feel these feelings in your established relationships, it is very important. “Secure attachment “ Suppose you have a style.

If you are not afraid to be yourself in all kinds of relationships and communication, if you feel comfortable and physical and emotional contact with the people around you is not scary for you, it means you can have a healthy relationship based on trust.

If we tell you when and how secure attachments are made, if your physical and emotional needs are constantly met by your parents or your caring person since childhood, if you are in adequate contact and you feel that you are important and sufficient, Valuable person, your relationship will continue throughout your bond of trust. It creates basic dynamics. If parents have consistent and predictable behavior towards their children, especially those who love, respect, value and show it, safe attachment formation begins. Securely connected people are more empathetic, sensitive, and sensitive to their emotions in their relationships.

Avoid attachments

Do you live more of your feelings and thoughts inside you? Is it easy for you to communicate and interact with people or do you want to avoid this situation as much as possible? Your place of freedom is very important to you and you are avoiding the relationship because you think it will destroy it? If you have these fearsAvoidable attachmentsYou can have style. So how to form avoidable attachments?

If you grew up in an environment where you didn’t get enough respect and love as a child and communication was limited or even absent, you could create an avoidable attachment style to protect yourself. Through this defense, the baby returns to its earth and its communication becomes very limited. Since an environment is not created for the child to express feelings, the individual refuses to communicate constantly and establishes a relationship or escapes in adolescence.

Anxiety attachment

In your relationship, does your partner feel much more beautiful, smart, successful, strong, attractive than you? Do you constantly find yourself thinking that you will do anything in a relationship and be afraid to do that and be criticized? If you feel like this, you may have an anxious attachment style. How do anxious attachments occur? Children who do not receive love, attention and approval in their early stages are constantly suspicious of their own feelings, thoughts and behaviors because they cannot feel a sense of trust with their parents. Because they are insecure about how they will react. As a result, in adult life, the person experiences stressful and unstable relationships that are not believable.

If there are inconsistencies in your relationship …

Are you a person who can do anything in a relationship at any time? Do you get comments for your behavior that are unexpected? Are your inner feelings pulling you away from your relationships and partners? If your unbalanced and incoherent feelings and thoughts are the majority; “Scary / avoidable attachment styleYou can get it. How do horrible / avoidable attachments happen? If you grew up in an inconsistent environment where your parents were very interested for a moment and indifferent for a second and it is not clear when these feelings will come, you are also experiencing this inconsistency as an adult. If a child in need of help does not get the help he needs in a short time, he can explain this world as unsafe, something can happen to me at any moment and no one can stay. As a result, she may have the illusion that she does not know what to expect in her adult relationship, which may cause her to be unable to establish a healthy relationship.

How can we transform our attachment style?

Safely connected people have longer and more regular romantic relationships; It has been observed that people with avoidable attachment style usually experience negative emotions more intensely not only in their romantic relationships but also in other types of intimate relationships. However, recent studies give us hope that our attachment style is not our destiny until the end of our lives and that we can turn these negative situations into positive behaviors later on. Studies show that a warm partner or safe environment can positively change these styles. Just as moms, dads or caring people guide our attachment style, which begins to take shape in childhood; Faith, love and respect for those we associate with in our youth; Our relationships can affect our attachment type in a good or bad way.

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