People need families to live their lives in a healthy way and to be open to the outside world. A person who develops family traits to be exposed to the outside world works with the solutions he or she has learned in the family environment to find solutions to the problems he or she will face in the years to come. The ability to develop a healthy and balanced personality from an early age depends on the attitude of individuals in the family. Although personality development occurs throughout a person’s life, it is based on childhood. For this reason, the attitude and behavior of the family towards the child is very important. In particular, the parental attitude is a model for the developing child. The child gradually begins to shape his personality by imitating and assimilating this model he has seen. So parents should behave according to what they expect from their children. Examining the attitude of parents, it is seen that the attitude of parents towards their children is influenced by their own parents. People who have encountered obstacles in their childhood for whatever reason may try to educate their children with the attitudes and methods observed from their own family when they become parents. Facing a child with some negative attitudes can lead to negative behaviors.
Children want to have strong contact with their parents, they can grow up with them, but in some cases, such an environment is not given to children even though it is a normal flow of life. During parental separation, the child may have problems adjusting. Especially in the early stages of separation, it is a source of stress for every child. After the separation of the parents, there is a decrease in educational attainment, anxiety, difficulty in following the rules and frustration among the children. Children who are exposed to this type of situation can also have problems with social relationships. If the child is experiencing conflict in the family, it can also be emotionally affected. As a result of divorce, children often cannot see their father or their chances of seeing him are reduced. This situation, which puts more stress on children with a close relationship with the father, can also negatively affect the child who has less contact with the mother due to financial problems or working life. If the child has to leave his home and his circle of friends as a result of separation, he will also lose his own close circle. Therefore, an inappropriate response to this situation may increase the child’s chances of becoming more aggressive or introverted.
Children whose parents have separated for one reason or another may have different relationships and levels of coordination with their parents. Especially in the process of divorce, the attitude of parents towards their children can also affect their level of social cohesion. In particular, research has shown that parents of boys experience greater psychological control over their mothers in divorced families, whereas girls experience greater psychological control over their fathers. The level of social cohesion of children whose parents have divorced may also decrease. Especially in the presence of a parent who disrupts communication during the divorce process, if the child is here and there and inconsistencies in attitudes can occur, it should be considered that inconsistent parental attitudes can have a negative effect on children. Parental incompatibility with children can negatively affect children’s development. For example, in a case where one parent says yes to what the child wants and the other child says no to what the child wants, or the mother says black and the white father is unaware of each other, the child will not be able to distinguish right from wrong, and spoiled, disobedient. , May have disrespectful attitude. Husbands and wives need to have strong communication to avoid this situation. In making any decision about the child, a joint decision has to be taken after listening to the child.
In this case, what should be done to reduce the anxiety and stress felt by the child and to ensure that he has a positive attitude?
During the period of separation, the child should be informed according to the period of development and the parents should not blame each other. Children can blame themselves when their parents decide to separate. It should inform children in appropriate language that separation is not related to children. Setting boundaries and showing love to the child must continue in the same way. Quality time should be spent with children and children should be supported so that their academic success is not hampered. Children should not participate after divorce. In this case, the problems that the child will experience can be reduced. If the mother and father constantly criticize and abuse their child, this situation will return to them in future installments.
Psychologist Dilek is satisfied