More than a question Will you send me to a nursing home?

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Of course, our elderly parents are the crown on our heads, but when one of the spouses dies, they can’t take care of themselves or their health problems start, their long term care becomes difficult. Even if the needs of the caregiver are met, the person taking care of the caregiver may sometimes not be able to devote enough time to himself, his social life and family life may be adversely affected.

In this case, taking care at home or keeping in a nursing home by professionals is an option, but then other problems are encountered. Parents may feel that they have been abandoned by their children, or their children may feel that they have not been able to take care of their family and have abandoned them.

It can be a very sensitive and annoying thing to talk about, but it is also on our lives and on everyone’s agenda …

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We wanted to talk about this problem with both parents and their children over a certain age. To our elderly elders, ‘Who would want to take care of you? Is it your child, caregiver or nursing home? ‘ We asked. Who will take care of your children if your parents need care? ‘ Saying

Here are the answers we got.

‘Dharamshala closed, children’s ropes loose’

MB (87)

I am currently 87 years old, I have 8 children and they are all married. I live alone in my house, my kids around me come to me every day, bring me food and meet my needs. In fact, I can cook my own food, I take care of myself, I even have a sick brother, I even cooked for him until he died last year, I cleaned his house. I don’t need anyone now, I can walk, I can take a bath, I don’t have any disease, thank God. My only problem is loneliness, I don’t want to be alone in the big house, I want my children and grandchildren to be with me all the time. Although I am sick, they do not want to take me away from home. I don’t want my children to be at home, but I don’t want to be a burden to my children, bride or groom.

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I have some colleagues who are still alive, sometimes I hear that they will send them to a nursing home because it is very difficult to take care of now. I’m sorry for them and I’m afraid if they send me too. Such an event was not possible before. The children’s rope loosened after the nursing home items came out. In the past, children were responsible for the care of their parents until they died, but now they are sent to nursing homes. Presumably called a nursing home … How can there be peace in a house without your children? This is not a nursing home, this is a post office …

I often recommend it to my kids. “If I miss you tomorrow, don’t let me out of my house. Hire a nurse with my pension, but check me out all the time, ”I say. Of course, I will give the house and shop to anyone who is near me.

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Sometimes we see in the movies. There are those who lock their mom and dad in a nursing home and go on vacation. Surviving something like that means burying it before dying. Please don’t let anyone do this to their parents.

“What if they were beaten like a movie?”

I T (75)

In fact, I prefer to spend time with my colleagues in a nursing home than just spend my days at home with a caregiver, but we have heard the news that they are treating the elderly there badly. There was a movie on TV, I don’t remember the name, but the caretakers were abusing me while taking a bath and eating. I am afraid if I fall into the hands of such people and they will hit me too. Going to a nursing home with sympathetic staff does not bother me where I will be comfortable. I don’t want them to be a burden to my children and change their lives for me.

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‘Of course I want to spend my last days with my kids, but’

FA (64)

I’m already old, but if I grow up and need care, of course, I want to spend time with my kids, but taking care of a sick person is difficult and tiring. I want to be with one of my children, but I know there is no peace in their home. So I want them to send me to that house of peace so that the peace of their home is not disturbed. They are peace-loving, I am peace-loving, awaiting death.

The person applying will go to the nursing home in the area where they live and fill out the application form. Applications are accepted by the provincial departments of the Ministry of Family, Labor and Social Services

Civilian chiefs, attorneys and law enforcement officials They can apply. Except that Hello 183 You can also apply by calling. Older people can also be called home if they have serious health problems. After filling the petition, it is examined whether the patient has the necessary conditions. If he meets all the conditions, the person is accepted and starts providing all the caring services. They can leave the nursing home whenever they please.

How to apply for state residences?

The person applying will go to the nursing home in the area where they live and fill out the application form. Applications are accepted by the provincial departments of the Ministry of Family, Labor and Social Services

Civilian chiefs, attorneys and law enforcement officials They can apply. Except that Hello 183 You can also apply by calling. Older people can also be called home if they have serious health problems. After filling the petition, it is examined whether the patient has the necessary conditions. If he meets all the conditions, the person is accepted and starts providing all the caring services. They can leave the nursing home whenever they please.

How to apply for state residences?

‘I want to go to nursing with a view of the sea’

SG (69)

In fact, I’m not in a position to go to a nursing home right now, I take care of myself, but I want to go to a nursing home that will be open in the next district. My son took me for tea one day, I asked where this place was, he said new nursing home would be opened. There will be nurses and doctors. Very nice clean place by the sea. My food will come in front of me, they will give me my medicine, they will show me in the garden, I will look at the sea and have tea, I will have new friends… that day I decided in my mind that I wanted to grow old here. I think it’s a lot more beautiful at home now than in my life. I told my son to sign me up here if I got sick and needed care. “No, Mom, we’ll take care of you,” she said with a smile, but instead of looking at what my brides have been told, they should look at me here with my money. I hope they do as I say.

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‘I don’t send to nursing but I keep my career’

EC (46)

My parents are alive now. May God grant them longevity, but if anything happens to any of them, I prefer to keep a babui instead of taking them home. We can’t be comfortable at home and neither can they. It’s the best in my opinion. I will be both close and comfortable because I don’t have to deal with day care. Our parents are the crown of our heads, but everyone has a family order, if I take my own family, my wife will also want to take care of her own family. That is why it is better to hire a nanny. I wouldn’t send it to a nursing home because it would be out of my sight, so I’m out of my mind. I say the same thing to my own children. If I need care tomorrow, don’t let me go to your house, hire a good chef and take care of me like a baby.

I want to but my wife is not accepting

AI (49)

My mother died a year ago and my father fell alone. He became physically and mentally disturbed. Every day, we stop at two brothers and meet their needs, but they spend most of the day alone. My sister can’t take my father with her because my uncle’s mother lives with them. I want to take it with me, it’s also available in our house, but my wife doesn’t mean it. I will take care of everything, I will not do anything with you. In short, I can’t take my dad with me if I want to, without my wife’s approval.

‘I can’t grow up and draw the bride’s face’

And (62)

When I need care, I prefer to stay in a beautiful nursing home with my own money and spend time with my like-minded colleagues instead of taking my pension money and taking care of myself on top of it. Even if you have your own child, human flesh is heavy, after a while that responsibility becomes heavy for everyone. I have looked after my mother-in-law for years. It is difficult to live in the same house. I would have loved to be with my children if I had known they would voluntarily look, but when I see the unhappy faces of the groom, the groom, and even my own children, I get upset and sad. That is why it is better to go to a nursing home or live in your own home with a helper without burdening them.

‘You don’t know who to look up to’

SM (71)

I am a person who thinks that whatever you think will happen to you. This is why I don’t think about what I will do when I get sick, when I am already very old, if I need care. My children will do whatever they need in that day. I know how to be happy somewhere. I can have a wonderful day at the nursing home.
Also, such things are not planned. We had an older sister in the country. Her daughter got MS at the age of 45, she has been caring for her like a child for years. So no one should worry about who will see my parents when they grow old. You never know who will need care in this life.

‘He sees who eats their money’

TS (59)

My mother is not alive, but my father is alive and well. He can do everything by himself. I thought I would always be with them no matter what, and take them with me when I get older, but my dad couldn’t treat both his children and grandchildren equally. I have no eye on his property, but he has already given some of his grandchildren’s houses and shops. He gave one of his plots to one of my brothers. For some reason, my children are not as valuable in his eyes as others. They don’t fail to show respect to their grandparents, they visit them often, but if they do, their grandchildren don’t … When I make such a difference, I reluctantly say, ‘Well, then, When they are sick or in need of care, they should take care of them.

More than a question  Will you send me to a nursing home?

Give the message ‘I am always with you wherever you are’

exp Clinical psychologist Marve OzWhen talking to our adults about this care, it warns that an explanation should be made by filtering out why you have made this decision, but without deviating directly, they will understand when you lie and it can do them more harm. .

“It should be noted that the purpose of this decision is to ensure that they receive better care rather than be tempted.” Oz said,No matter where you are, I am always by your side Emphasizes that the message must be conveyed in the speech.

Marve Oz, “Who will take care of us when we grow old?” Says that anxiety exists in most middle-aged people and that this uncertainty will be tiring, and lists the points they need to consider when explaining this decision:

Ask for their cooperation in implementing your decision.

You can allow them to participate in your interview with their caregiver or you can provide information about the interview.

Even if you have decided on a nursing home, you can visit several nursing homes and make a choice based on their opinions.

• When you do this, you tell them that you want the best for them instead of throwing them away

মাধ্যমে By informing your nursing home about your visit frequency, you will eliminate their fear and desire to be alone.

Give them confidence that you can meet their needs.

Öz, those who say that with your cooperation, they will be a little confused because they focus on decision making instead of dealing with negative feelings and thoughts, saying that influencing the decision will give them some relief.

Marve Oz, “Remind yourself as often as possible to meet her and meet her needs” to her children, who want to make the right decision to care for the elderly in their extended family and find the best nursing home or the best caregiver for both of them. And themselves, in circumstances.

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