Expert Clinical Psychologist Neil Serem Ilmaz said, “When families combine all their means, they sometimes realize that the bad grades they receive are unfair to them. However, the child’s academic success has many variable consequences; In addition to the child’s cognitive and learning ability, many other factors, such as the family environment, parental relationships, social relationships, and the school environment, are effective. For this reason, comparisons should not be made between children, each child should be evaluated according to their own possibilities and possibilities. Expert Clinical Psychologist Neil Serem Ilmaz says that a successful report card should be properly communicated with a weak report card, and tells parents about 4 strategies for the right approach:
Avoid sharp and hurtful expressions
The grades do not give negative information about the child’s intelligence skills or personality. He only points out his weak course. For this reason, avoid generalizations and sharp expressions about the weak on the report card. Be sure to stay away from expressions that hurt the child’s personality and reduce their self-confidence and self-esteem, such as ‘you can’t be a human being’, ‘lazy’. This type of treatment does not motivate the child, on the contrary, it makes him feel worthless and disabled, emotionally away from his family. Again, sensitive, abusive language and corporal punishment that can have a profound effect on the child, such as ‘You have made us very sorry’, ‘You have wasted our efforts’, also lead the child to a dead end.
Set a roadmap together by asking yourself questions.
Also review your own attitude towards past processes. I wonder if there was too much interference with the child, did the child feel alone, or was the child unknowingly too protective to do something? Therefore, try to understand the message of the report card by thinking “I wonder what the child wants to say to us with this report card”. Tell your child, “I think it’s been a difficult year. You don’t want results. Actually, we know you can do better. But what happened? Give a solution-producing speech. It will motivate the child and make him feel helpless.” Stop.
Instead of ‘it’s too late’ message ‘we will fix it together’
‘Now we will enter a new year, let’s make the best of summer, you rest, clear your head, play your games, but we will support you next year; You try your best, we know you want to bring a good report card. What happened this year, but you can fix it next year. Make the child feel that they have options for make-up and repairs such as ‘You will do your best next year’.
To inspire
It is also wrong to ignore bad report cards. Because it gives birth to the feeling of ‘not caring’ in the baby. However, empowering the child through its positive aspects gives strength to the child. That’s why he said, ‘Look, last year your report had such a good grade, that means you have the ability to get a good grade, this time maybe it didn’t, but this energy is in you and you can use it. This energy get good grades again, and we will support you in this direction. Make speeches that empower the child.
Do not overwhelm your child with rewards.
One of the biggest mistakes you can make is to appreciate that your child has been successful and has received more certificates of appreciation than necessary. Children should not be overwhelmed by big rewards. Although the gift of a report card suitable for the age of the child is very encouraging for the child, many great rewards can make the child feel as if he has received these grades for the parents, making it difficult for the child to have a sense of responsibility. For the lesson, on the other hand, Neil Serem Ilmaz, who said that if a child has been given a promise as a report card gift before, it must be fulfilled, There may be feelings of insecurity in the child and about the promises made by the parents.
Take care of your success, avoid perfectionism
Don’t underestimate your child’s efforts and success. Be sure to appreciate it, give her a small reward for her emotional support. Avoid the perfectionist view. It is very important to stay away from the perfectionist attitude and avoid extreme speech. A perfectionist attitude such as ‘All grade 100, why this grade 95’ can create the feeling that the child’s effort is not seen and that more is always sought.
Don’t label talent
It is important not to expect too much from the child by labeling the child as ‘gifted’. Because this situation can create an element of stress for children. Difficulties such as performance anxiety or test anxiety may be related to the loss of existing success. Statements like ‘My child is very successful, he will win this department, that university’ are crushed by this understanding of children and they feel intense stress. It does not help to increase the success of the course, but rather it can delay them.
Don’t compare your children
A sibling with a good report card or even a certificate of appreciation should not be shown as an example to a brother with a bad report card. Such comparisons do more harm than good. While it can cause intense rivalry and jealousy among children, it can disrupt sibling relationships, on the other hand it can create a feeling of loneliness that is why parents do not love them.